Food of the Gods...

One thing most people learn about me very early on is that I am not a morning person. In fact, I'm not even really human before noon. My husband and my son are morning people. The kind of people who wake and rise with the sun, exuberantly active and ready to seize the day. I much prefer to sneak up on my day, preferably from the cozy comfort of my bed. But even after I'm "up," it may take several hours for my consciousness to begin to register my surroundings. So occasionally, my husband will try and entice me out of my stupor, and his weapon of choice?

Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Glazed chocolate iced. Oh yeah. And in my household of organic when I can get it, no-sugar-added, low-carb and low-fat....well concessions are made for the heavenly manna that is Krispy Kreme......Food of the Gods.

Seriously. No God could possibly expect mere mortals to resist the warm, gooey, goodness that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut. That would just be cruel.

So on those days that my husband waves a warm Krispy Kreme under my nose to coax me out of my walking coma, I mightily stagger up through the waves of semi-consciousness to scarf down one....or three.....along with my bowl of coffee. And afterwards, though I'm not entirely inhabiting the land of the living yet, I can at least function and join whatever plan we've made for the day......until the guilt sets in.

Then I have to go work out to pay pennance for my transgression. And I may just work out five or ten extra minutes....you know, to make up for the Krispy Kreme I'm going to eat as a snack while I'm cooling down from the work out.....

Okay, you're right. I wouldn't seriously work out and then eat another doughnut......I'll skip the workout until tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day......

Look Mom, I'm Bloggin'!

"Would you look at that? She's just puttin' it out there for everybody to see. Like she's all that."

Wheeee! Look at me! I'm blogging. Who'da thunk it?

Okay, so as I bravely venture out into the great, unknown blogosphere, I am immediately faced with a perplexing problem........what the heck do I want to write about? (Yes, I agree. You'd think I would have thought about that before now. But no.)

But as I sit here, pondering the many snippets of not-quite-publishable material that is swimming around in my brain, a TV commercial from the other room catches my attention. What I hear is this (in a deep, monotone male voice), "This is Life Alert. Your presence has been detected. Leave now."

Yeah, that's it. So now I'm laughing. Loudly. When in the other room, my husband who is currently in command of the TiVo remote, rewinds the commercial to play it again. And again. Now we're all laughing. God I love TiVo.

So here's what's going on in my "rubber room" of a brain: There are whacked out criminals ransacking my house and possibly my person when, from the walls, a disembodied voice booms monotonously and tells them to stop it and leave.

Criminal #1: "Was that you, God?"

Me: "Did you hear him? The police are on their way."

Disembodied Voice: "Your presence has been detected. Leave now."

Criminal #2: "Is that all he knows how to say?"

Criminal #1: "Maybe we should bug out, G."

Criminal #2: "At least he's polite."

Criminal #1: "Yeah man. Let's get outta here."

Criminal #2: "Hey, can I have this cookie?"

Me: "Sure. Would you like some milk?....Wait, hold on, I just bought the cutest paper cups. I'll make you some to go."

Okay, I know it's lame. But seriously, what would you expect to happen when some stern dweeb voice starts politely telling the criminals in your house to stop what they're doing?

So many giggles.....so little time.